5 Long Months

It's been a long time since I've written last, and a lot has happened since then.

Change is always hard, but this change has been especially hard for me.  You would think it would be easier coming home, but in a way, it feels more difficult. Partly because of expectations I put on myself, I am finding it hard to settle in to this new / old place.  I think maybe I thought I would ease back into who I was when I lived here before.  But I've become someone different, someone better.  And the new me doesn't want to fit into that old mold. 

I remember feeling sad when I moved to Columbia seven years ago, and I remember missing home.  And then I had to make Columbia my home, so it became important to me in a way that no other place has.  I'm probably romanticizing it and being sentimental, but I really grew into myself as an adult and as an educator during my years there.  I learned things about myself and who I want to be.  So perhaps this is why the city is so special to me now.  It's where I found my husband, where I gave birth to my child, and where I met some of the most important friends I'm conviced I will ever have. 

When I start to miss it, though, I never let myself ask if I made the right decision in moving.  Because I know we did.  Here we are closer to family, which is so important to us.  We have help with Miles' daily care.  We are on the verge of building a home we will live in and love for a long, long time.  These things are worth moving for. 

Something else I'm discovering firsthand is that change is hard for a reason.  It helps us grow and become better people -- so just like I became a better version of myself when I moved to Columbia, I'm certain the same will be said down the road of this move.  Maybe here I will be a better wife, a better daughter and sister, and a better mom. 

It's my mission now to celebrate the new version of me I am becoming.  I will still let myself miss my old home, but I won't let myself wish I had it easier.  Instead I will "celebrate myself and sing myself" as Walt Whitman did. 

I will embrace this change and look forward to the new me to come.