It has been a looooong time since I've last blogged. I'm not sure why - I hate when people say they've been too busy to do something. (If it means something to you, you'll make time for it.) So I won't use that excuse. But life does get in the way sometimes of even the best intentions.
Miles is growing and changing and becoming a sweet little boy, no longer the little baby I used to rock and cuddle and kiss. I still rock and cuddle and kiss on him - every chance I get. But usually that's followed by him squirming away or getting distracted by someone or something else. Now we bond by playing games and giggling, belly laughing at each other, and making messes. It is so fun to be his mom, which innevitably gets me thinking about the possibility of having another.
When I think about whether or not I'd like to give Miles a little brother or sister, the answer is yes! When I ask myself if I'm willing to go through the pregnancy and birth again, the answer is yes! But when I'm honest about wanting to go through the baby part again, I'm not sure. I loved Miles from the second I knew he was inside me - and that love only intensifies every day, with each smile, toddle, nose crinkle, love pat and babble. But what if we had another kid who was not as cool as Miles? What if I loved him / her differently? Those first six months are really, really hard.
I know I don't have to decide now, or even next month. But it makes me feel a little guilty, thinking about not giving him a sibling. I know many people grow up just fine being an only child, but I also know how much I love and appreciate having a sister. It's an option on the horizon, which is where I'll keep it for now...