Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Let It Be

The Beatles sang "Let It Be."  They said these are words of wisdom. 
I happen to agree.  Sometimes there are just things you can't fix. This realization comes to me only after obsessing about the number of hours my child is in daycare.  It's a sticky, yucky, messy fact of my life that our son has to be there, that someone else is responsible for his well-being for about eight hours a day, five days a week. 
It sucks. 
It hurts. 
But it has to be that way.  At least for now. 
Robert says I love him too much, and that I can't do everything. 
Impossible! And why not? - my irrational side argues.  Our society demands women do everything, and somehow we do.  If we choose to be working moms, we feel guilty and that we ought to be home with our kids.  If we stay home, we feel deprived of a life of our own.  What a weird irony we have created for ourselves. 
The funny thing is, I don't think I would be as good of a mom if I were with him 24 hours a day.  Somehow, for now, it works this way.  I get to have my life as a teacher, and I miss him all day long.  And then I get to be mommy.  I guess the guilt is natural.  But my wise friend Heather said the other night that guilt is overrated. 
I like to think so too. 
Because what it comes down to is doing the best I can.  And being a mom, I think maybe I'll always feel my best may not be good enough. 

But for now, I think I have to just let it be. 

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